I refuse to let myself waste any more time worrying about how others perceive me.
The above sentence has been a new mantra for me these past few weeks. I've held myself back from so much joy and happiness worrying if I'll look silly or "too vulnerable". As far as we're able to remember, this is our first time experiencing and learning the joys and heartaches of life. I enjoy writing about my thoughts and feelings in the hopes that someone may relate and feel even a little less lonely in this vast universe of ours. I've always been so consumed with trying to portray the closest version of perfection, but what even is "perfection" anyway? We often hear "perfectly imperfect" or "your imperfections are beautiful", but do we really believe it? I know I have had my fair share of meltdowns because I wasn't able to find the "perfect" outfit or my hair wasn't curling in just the right way. "What will everyone think of me?" I thought, "As soon as I step through the door everyone will be vomiting all over the walls due to how atrocious these shoes look with my outfit!!!!!". That may sound outrageous but it just about sums up how I was feeling at the time.
I think the one thing that has helped me is knowing no one is looking at you because everyone is too worried thinking about themselves. Even though it might be a comforting sentiment, isn't it a bit sad? We live in a society where so much of our energy is consumed by how we look, what we say, how we act, and how everyone perceives us. What if we took 10% of that energy and put it into something we love but we're scared of doing?
How freeing would it feel to be unapologeticlly yourself? I'm not saying we should be disrespectful or "in someone's face" if they don't accept you for who you feel you truly are, I'm saying what if we genuinley chase our dreams rather than continue to dream about them? What if we conquer our fears of being rejected when we share our true feelings or fail when we try something new? What if we try so hard at something we love but nothing comes of it? Are we going to be proud we tried, or are we going to regret never working up the courage to see what happens? You decide.
You are, afterall, the master of your destiny and the creator of your reality.
Comments