I don't want to be writing this right now. I haven't had inspirational motivation in what feels like a few months, and I have a habit of self-sabotaging when it comes to most categories in my life. I like thinking of this writing exercise as word vomiting, mostly because I don't know what I have to say until I begin typing. Many of these posts are variations of run-on sentences and paragraphs that don't make much sense.
With that being said, I've been having trouble with my sense of "self" lately. Who am I, what do I like, what do I want in life, etc.? Which in the grand scheme of things seems to be an overarching theme in my twenties thus far. It feels like everyone needs to have something, at least one thing, to define them in which they feel part of some group or pack. At least one thing that can sum up an entire personality where they can find in common with others and assume the personalities will mesh due to that one thing. Some like to be defined as their career or favorite sport, and some are defined by motherhood or being a grandparent. It's almost like we feed off of these small boxes we put ourselves in to have some type of purpose in life, which honestly makes a lot of sense.
When we think about "survival of the fittest" and sticking with a pack because a lone wolf has a high probability of not surviving the winter, we can understand why the present day human would want to join a Facebook group to share memes with others about cute dogs or babies or an incredible goal made by their favorite hockey player. It gives us a sense of community and a sense of purpose.
Maybe "purpose" is what I've been struggling with this whole time. What makes my life any different from anyone else's? But instead of seeing that as a negative, we can see shared experiences as a positive. I feel that today everyone wants to be different. People want to stand out and applaud those that do. But we can also appreciate the shared human experience. Something as simple as smelling fresh-cut grass or feeling the warmth of the sun on your face. Having differences from one human to the next is implied in this experience, but we should also appreciate the similarities we share with those that we will never even meet in this lifetime. Understanding that we're all going through this experience together; an experience that is often ugly, often beautiful. Once we understand that it's never just one of us, we can appreciate that it's always all of us, and we can start treating others the way we would like to be treated.
So maybe a sense of self is as simple as a sense of all.
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